Looking for your ideal mate?

Grab some paper and make yourself two lists:  the first covers everything you WANT.

The second lists everything you NEED.

We all know those qualities we think we want.  Some lists are short, some are long…some are way too detailed.

I mean really – what are the chances that you will meet a “6 foot 4 inch tall, black haired, green-eyed investment banker who mentors at-risk youth and plays the cello”??

Or as an alternative, how likely is it that you will meet and fall in love with a “busty redhead who loves to cook italian food, speaks three languages and is both an elementary school AND yoga teacher”?


Even if that imaginary “perfect” person does exist, what are the chances you will find each other?

And what are the chances YOU will match everything on THEIR “want” list?

Didn’t think about that part, did you?

Maybe it’s time to take a step back and work on your “NEED” list instead.

It might be shorter.  Less specific.

Your “NEED” list might have items like these:

  • kind
  • responsible with jobs and money
  • accountable
  • likes being around kids
  • attractive (at least to me)
  • makes me laugh
  • respects me
  • sees me as an equal
  • encourages me
  • interesting
  • has at least one positive hobby
  • gets along with my family and friends
  • is both loving and lovable

Do you see how a “NEED” list is more about a person’s character, how you get along with each other and how well the person treats you?

These are the things that last.

These are the qualities that will make you feel appreciated, supported and safe.

Because of past experiences you might also add a few specific non-negotiables like “no addictions”, “has a steady job”, “no criminal record”, “no history of violence”, etc.

This is your list.

It is tailored to you, but vague enough to allow REAL PEOPLE into your life.  To give them a chance.

Real people…..with flaws…but good, kind and looking for love.

Just like you.